I offer counselling for anticipatory grief as I feel compassion and empathy for those who are going through this additional grieving process before their loved one has passed.
It can feel like a long, drawn-out process at the time, grieving the fact that you're losing you loved one, as you watch them suffering. It is very demanding emotionally and physically as you strive to make life as good for them as you know how. You may be their main care-giver or be travelling to and fro if they are receiving palliative care in a nursing home.
I know what it is like to be feeling the loss of a loved one whilst they're still alive - it's quite natural to experience grief over a loved one being too ill to function as they always have done, and even to the point of not being able to respond to you. It's heart-breaking to spend days, weeks or months, sitting with them, trying to talk and show them you care, when there is little or no acknowledgement of your presence.
It's hard to keep on going, when you don't know how long the situation is going to remain the same. You know the only way it will end is if your loved one passes away, and yet, on the other hand, you're fighting the reality that one day the inevitable will happen.
If you are in this situation right now, I would advise you that self-care is very important:
- try to make sure you get enough sleep – go to bed yourself, rather than sitting in a chair.
- make sure you eat and drink, even if it means leaving their side. The break will do you good.
- if possible take turns with, or have someone else cover for your and go for a walk outside occasionally.
- be kind to yourself - make time to relax, in the bath, or meeting up with a friend.
If you look after yourself too, you're more likely to better able to support you loved one.